Mr APO
by Rishka Derevko
Summary: APO is hosting there first APO pageant. What will happen when unsuspected judges arise, secrets are revealed, relationships are questions, and truths are finally revealed. Not to mention the swimsuit competition.All characters involved. Read and review.
1. A What!

**Disclaimer: I don't own them unfortunately**

**Mr. APO**

"A what?!" Jack said angrily.

"The first annual Mr. APO pageant." Sydney said smiling still.

"Who cleared this?"

"Langley. They said they wanted their agents to remember they could still have fun."

"But why APO."

"Come on dad lighten up. It should be fun." Nadia chimed in.

"Fine, put up the signup list." Jack said walking away.

"Dad, wait will you go ahead and sign your name." Nadia said.

"Excuse me."

"You have to participate, you're the director."

"My presence will be enough."

"I'm afraid it won't. Your participation is kind of mandatory." Sydney mentioned hesitantly.

Jack didn't speak he just went into his office and called Langley, only confirming what they had said. He had to participate. He waited until the final person had signed up then wrote his name. He then looked over the list of the guys who had so eagerly signed up. Let's just say he wasn't surprised.

1. Eric Weiss

2. Michael Vaughn

3. Will Tippin

4. Arvin Sloane

5. Marcus Dixon

He added his name to the list and handed it back to Sydney. On the way back to his office he passed Marshall.

"Hey Mr. B. Did you hear about the pageant? It's going to be great. Its going to me like Miss America well I guess it would be Mister America since its guys cause that would be kind of weird with guys in dresses and bikinis like the girls who are really pretty by the way, don't tell Carrie I said that."

"Marshall is there a point you're trying to make."

"Yeah, word on the street, that's what the kids say. Word on the street. Which is weird since most things you hear on the street can't be trusted," Marshall cleared his throat upon seeing Jack's face "You're going to be in the pageant."

"Yes I am." Jack said through gritted teeth.

"That's great Mr. Bristow." Marshall said grinning.

After a moment of awkward silence, Jack just walked away leaving a still smiling Marshall behind him.


	2. Meet the Men

********

**The Pageant**

After two whole weeks of preparation and decoration the big night had finally arrived. They had rented out an discreet location and decorated it beautifully. As the onlookers filed into the auditorium they were awestruck by the lights and decorations. The designers had went for a simple yet stylish effect. The guys were backstage getting ready for their entrances. Marshall arm in arm with Carrie walked onstage to begin.

"Hello. Is this thing on? Testing one, two." Marshall started.

"Welcome to the first annual Mr. APO pageant. We have six of our hunkiest agents here to show off their bods and their abilities tonight. We are happy to have our colleagues from our international branches here with us tonight." Carrie said smiling.

"Including Egypt, India, and Russia." Marshall added.

Backstage Jack froze, Russia. Was Irina here?

"Before we introduce you to our guys let us introduce you to our judges for tonight."

"From Langley Mrs. Leslie Harrington."

A short squat angry looking woman stood up from the judges table. Leslie was assistant director at Langley and a self-proclaimed snob.

"Next from Egypt Mr. Namyre Fahir."

Namyre stood up and blew a kiss to all the men in the audience winking at a few, struck a pose then sat down.

"And our final judge from the Russian branch of APO, Mrs. Irina Derevko."

As the lights fell on Irina she just looked up and smiled. Jack watched from backstage, could this night get any worse he thought. Then it did, it was as if she knew he was watching. Irina stood taking off the black leather jacket she was wearing revealing the red haltertop dress she was wearing underneath. Several stray eyes wandered her direction as she sat back down crossing her legs to not only show off her stilletos but the split running up the side of her dress.

"My she is gorgeous." Arvin said.

Jack turned on him his eyes full of rage. Arvin just smirked and walked away.

*******

"Ok, let's get this party started," Marshall said "Our first contestant is Mr. Eric Weiss."

Weiss walked out wearing blue jeans, a black tee, and a black blazer. His hair was spiky and thick with gel.

"Eric is 5 foot 10. He loves poetry, magic tricks, and walks on the beach. Sorry ladies he wants us to inform you he is taken by the lovely Ms. Nadia Santos. His specialty is swat tactics, he speaks German and Spanish. Mr. Eric Weiss."

He took off the blazer threw it over his shoulder, smiled and stepped to the side.

"Next we have Mr. Michael Vaughn. Michael is 6 foot. He loves surfing, scuba diving and rock climbing." Vaughn steps out wearing a way too tight blue polo shirt and khaki shorts. "His specialty is fighting. He speaks French and Russian fluently. Mr. Michael Vaughn."

Vaughn crouches down and winks making no one swoon but Sydney.

"I have a question," Irina said addressing Marshall "You said his specialty was fighting, could you clarify what kind."

Everyone looks at Vaughn.

"Um, you know. Fighting all of it." he said trying to dodge the question.

"All of it, really. So you mean Tiwhantu as well."

"Of course." Vaughn answered.

"Ytubla jesat adri." Irina said.

"What?"

"That was Russian. You said you were fluent Mr. Vaughn." Irina said looking at him a smile on her face.

"Da." he answered.

Irina just nodded.

"What is Tiwhantu?" Leslie asked.

"There is no form of martial arts called Tiwhantu. Mr. Vaughn is lying about that as well as his fluency in Russian."

Sydney looked over at Nadia furiously.

"Why didn't she give Weiss the third degree."

"Come on Syd we all know Vaughn isn't that good."

Sydney realized her sister was right. As the judges made note of Vaughn's lies. Carrie began introducing the next contestant.

"Next we have Mr. Will Tippin."

Will stepped onto the stage and half of the women in the audience swooned. He was wearing a simple white button up shirt, and blue jeans. The top buttons were loose showing his chest.

"Will is 6 foot 1. He enjoys camping, rock music, and just relaxing at home. His specialty is information analysis. He is fluent in German. Mr. Will Tippin."

Will smiled nodded to the judges and stepped to the side.

"Next Mr. Arvin Sloane."

Sloane walks out in a gray suit with a black shirt underneath. No one swooned but a few held back vomit.

"Arvin is 5 foot 9. He enjoys exotic getaways, fine cuisine and midnight walks. His specialty is deception just kidding folks. Reverse psychology. He is fluent in French, Spanish, and Chinese. Mr. Arvin Sloane."

Arvin took off his jacket and threw it into the audience where it fell unnoticed onto the floor. He looked expectantly at Barnett who only looked down at the discarded jacket and turned away in disgust. He put his hands in his pocket and stepped aside.

"Now, Mr. Marcus Dixon."

Dixon flashed his signature smile as he stepped on stage. He was wearing a linen tan suit with a burnt orange shirt underneath.

"Marcus is 6 foot 3. He enjoys playing football, hanging out with his kids, and cross country running. His specialty is op tech. He is fluent in Swahili, Arabic, French, and German. Mr. Marcus Dixon."

He flashed the smile again making many ladies especially Director Chase blush uncontrollably.

"And last but definitely not least our final contestant. Mr. Jack Bristow." An uproar arose to everyone's astonishment when Jack stepped out. He was dressed in black from head to toe. He was wearing a black button up shirt, black slacks, a black leather sports jacket and his famous Bristow scowl. The ladies were loving it.

"Jack is 6 foot 3. He enjoys playing chess, attending the opera, and strategizing. His specialty is game theory. He is fluent in German, Swahili, Arabic, Spanish, Russian, Chinese, Japanese, Portuguese, Hindi, Italian, French, and a bunch of others. Mr. Jack Bristow."

Jack locks eyes with Irina for a minute then takes his place.

"I must make a request," Jack said his eyes connecting with Irina's again " I'm sure it's against the rules for the judge to be sleeping with one of the contestants."

"Actually the rules state the last intimate contact can't be within a two month period," Irina said, a devilish grin creeping onto her face "our last time was six months ago Jack, it doesn't count no matter how good it was."

Nadia and Sydney blanched and Jack's ears began turning an alarming shade of red.

"Um, Is there anything any of the judges would like to say at this time." Carrie intervened.

"I hope you all dress better in the other categories, I'm not impressed." Leslie said receiving boos from the crowd.

"You boys are so scrumptious," he said looking each contestant with a mischievous grin "but you Jack I could strategize with you whenever you want." Namyre said. Jack paled.

Sydney and Nadia began laughing.

"Irina." Carrie prompted.

"I'm looking forward to this." she said smiling at Jack. If it were possible Jack paled even more.


	3. Talent Part One

***********

**Talent One**

"Ok now we will begin our talent competition. First up Eric Weiss." Carrie said.

Weiss walked on stage wearing an extremely long cape and a top hat.

"I am the great Woudini."

"Oh god." Nadia said sinking into her seat.

"For my first trick I will pull a rabbit from my hat."

He sat the top hat on the table he had set up. He waved his wand over it then reached inside. From the hat he pulled out a small bunny. The crowd awed. He placed the bunny back in the hat.

"Now Mr. Namyre if you will may I see your watch."

"Of course cutey." he answered smiling coyly. He lifted up his sleeve, his watch was gone.

"Oh, that's right I already have it." Weiss said removing the watch from his pocket.

"You little devil." Namyre said.

"Now watch closely." Weiss said smashing the watch into a million pieces.

Namyre squealed.

"That was a $4000 watch!"

"Not to worry it's safely on your wrist."

"No it isn't." Namyre said raising his sleeve again, and sure enough there was the watch unharmed on his wrist.

"That was quite a trick Eric, I'm a bit of a magician myself maybe I could show you a few tricks of my own someday." Namyre replied winking.

Weiss cleared his throat.

"Um, for my last trick I need an assistant."

Many hands shot up in the air including Namyre.

"Miss Santos will you join me on stage."

Nadia joined him reluctantly.

"I will now make this lovely maiden disappear." he announced whipping off his cape covering Nadia with it.

"Alacazam." he said snatching away the cape revealing an empty space where Nadia had been.

The crowd sat dumbfounded by this feat.

"Now Irina calm down, I'm going to bring her back." he said calmly seeing the murderous look Irina had sent him.

He raised his wand.

"Abracadabra." he shouted. There was a cloud of smoke and Nadia stood once again next to Weiss.

"Wow! Did you see that!" Marshall shouted into the microphone. Carrie rolled her eyes.

"Judges any remarks?" Carrie asked.

"I could do that in my sleep." Leslie said, the crowd booing her once again.

"Oh my goodness darling! You're like a cuter David Blaine. Bravisimo!" Namyre exclaimed.

"I'm impressed Eric. My daughter did tell me you are able to use your wand quite skillfully." she said sending Nadia a knowing glance.

Nadia and Weiss blushed. Nadia took her seat again next to a laughing Sydney.

"Next up Michael Vaughn."

The stage crew set up a hockey net and Vaughn came out wearing skates.

"It's not an ice rink but it'll work. I have the best slapshot in the world."

A man came out and positioned himself in front of the net. Vaughn got shot after shot past him. Sydney was smiling from ear to ear. Everyone else looked bored.

"Excuse me but this is way to easy." Irina interrupted.

Vaughn stopped mid-shot.

"Let's make this a little more challenging shall we."

"Sure why not. Are you going to get up here." Vaughn said jokingly.

Irina laughed.

"No. He is." Irina said pointing to the 6 foot 6 Russian goalie coming from backstage.

Vaughn paled.

"Michael Vaughn, Ivan Gostoyovic also known as the Iron Curtain." Irina said smiling.

Ivan took his place in the net. You could barely see it anymore. Vaughn gulped. He tried shot after shot after shot but none of them went in. In his final attempt Vaughn hit the puck with so much force the hockey stick flew out of his hand, and broke over Ivan's mask. Ivan stood walking over to stare down at Vaughn.

"Was that accident." he asked his Russian accident heavy.

"Y . .Yes." Vaughn stammered.

Ivan looked out at Irina who simply nodded. He walked offstage leaving Vaughn a shuddering mess.

"Judges?" Marshall asked.

"Pathetic." Leslie said, the crowd for once agreeing with her.

"Not very entertaining sweetie." Namyre said plainly.

Irina looked back at Sydney and shook her head.

"He broke his stick." Irina said finally. She looked at Sydney once more, she was blushing heavily. Nadia was shaking with laughter.

"Syd. . ." Nadia managed to say between laughing.

"Shut up." Sydney fired back.

"Mr. Will Tippin everybody."

Will walked on stage a golden saxophone in his hands. He sat on the stool they had set up for him.

"This is for a very special lady. This song is the only way I can think of to let you know how I've been feeling for the last eight years." Will said as he began to play.

Nadia looked over to see how Sydney would react, only to see her staring bright eyed at Will.

As the music flowed throughout the auditorium a hush fell over its listeners. A few patrons wiped tears from their eyes, others just closed their eyes trying to hold onto every note.

_Backstage_

"Even I have to admit. The kid's got class." Jack said to Dixon.

Dixon just nodded, looking over at a disgruntled Vaughn.

As the last notes of Will's piece faded away he looked out into the audience and meet Sydney's gaze. He held it there and smiled making Sydney blush.

"Comments."

"I've heard better." Leslie remarked coldly.

"That is so sweet you dedicated that song to me. I love you too sweetie." Namyre said eyes sparkling with tears.

"Will that was beautiful. It made me forget about that previous fiasco. Has anyone ever told you, you have musicians hands: big, strong, gentle," she added looking back at her daughter "All of which make up a good man, which I know you are Will."

Sydney was oblivious to anything the judges said she couldn't get her mind off Will. She had never noticed before but Will was much cuter than Vaughn and now she knew he was more talented.

"Syd you ok." Nadia asked concern evident in her voice.

"Yeah. I'm fine. At least I will be." she answered finally breaking Will's gaze.

"Now Mr. Arvin Sloane."

Arvin walked onstage with a rose in his mouth.

"For my act I will need a partner." he said trying to sound seductive.

No one volunteered.

"Irina." he said teasingly.

"Not even in your dreams." Irina said sending Arvin a look that could melt ice.

"Ms. Barnett shall we."

Barnett reluctantly stood and joined him on stage. Arvin clapped his hands and the lights dimmed. A quick Latin tempo began playing and Arvin began circling Barnett clapping his hand.

"She's not a hat Arvin." Irina stated, causing many in the audience to giggle.

He stopped circling her and grabbed her hand. He then started a poorly choreographed samba. Everyone was confused, was this supposed to be impressive, he was stepping on her toes, and missing his steps. As the last note faded away he tried to dip Barnett and only succeeded in dropping her. He picked her up hastily. She pulled away from his grasp and sat down again.

"Mr. Sloane, that was embarrassing. What's with the rose?" Leslie said angrily.

"The samba is the dance of love. Where was the love, the passion, I am highly upset by this. Be gone." Namyre said waving Sloane away.

"Can you do anything skillfully?" Irina said resentment and anger in her eyes.

"Marcus Dixon everybody." Marshall interjected to break the tension.

Dixon walks out holding a football. The stage crew had set up hoops all across the stage at different heights and angles. Some of the hoops were smaller than the others.

"I will now try to get a ball through all thirty hoops in one minute without moving out of this spot." Dixon stated. The clock started and he began. Amazingly ever football went through dead center. There was only one target let with one second on the clock. The last target was the highest and at the oddest angle positioned directly above his head. Dixon threw a beautiful spiral sending it sailing through the target just as the buzzer sounded. The crowd whooped and hollered. Director Chase stood on her feet and blew him a kiss. He pretended to catch it and threw her a smile making her squeal in delight.

"Yawn." Leslie said stretching.

"You are such a scrumptious piece of chocolate. Athletic, strong, devilishly handsome. I could just eat you up." Namyre said pretending to growl at Dixon.

"Marcus, even I have to admit that was impressive. Good job." Irina said smiling.

"Finally we have Jack Bristow."

Jack walked on stage with a mic in his hand. Mumbles arose in the crowd could Jack Bristow sing?

His eyes met with Irina's for a moment then he went and spoke to the musicians. A look of astonishment spread across the conductors face but he nodded anyway. Jack walked back to the middle of the stage, looked at Irina once more then with the most guttural voice he could muster began to sing.

_I been really trying baby. _

Half the women in the audience squealed. The men looked dumbfounded, and several women began regretting how they wrote Jack off too quickly. Irina's gasped her eyes clouding over.

_Tryna hold back this feelin for so long._

_And if you feel like I feel baby._

_Come on, Oh come on. Woo! Let's get on._

_Ahh baby let's get it on. _

Sydney and Nadia felt sick they knew exactly who he was singing to. The women in the audience got flustered hearing the power, desire, and need in Jack's voice. Just before he delivered the final note he walked over to where the judges were seated, kneeled down and sang.

_Let's get it on!_

He rose up again and walked back on stage. There was a moment of silence before the hall erupted in screams and shouts. Half of the crowd stood up chanting. Jack just stood looking bored.

"Um," Carrie said clearing her throat "Judges comments."

"Ahh. Jack, um wow. That was. . . Did it just get hot in here." Leslie said fanning herself.

"Yes, absolutely yes you little devil! My place right after this is over, yes!" Namyre squealed purring at Jack.

Irina locked eyes with Jack. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Jack." she managed to say her voice was husky, and her accent was strong.

Jack smirked only he could see the desire that was burning in Irina's eyes. Mission accomplished.

"That ends our first talent competition, up next the part I'm sure all the ladies have been waiting for, the swimsuit competition." Marshall announced.

A series of cheers rose from the audience.

"What do you say we change things up a bit." Irina whispered to her fellow judges.

"What do you mean?" Leslie asked.

"I think I know just the thing," Namyre said a devilish glint in his eyes "Wet everything competition."

The judges shared a knowing smile amongst themselves. This was going to be fun.


	4. Swimwear

**Swimwear**

"Now the moment you've all been waiting for. The swimsuit competition."

Cheers erupted once again.

"First up Eric Weiss."

Weiss stepped out wearing red striped swim trunks and a white t-shirt. He turned around so the audience could see what was written on the back. It read welcome to candy land.

Nadia laughed too herself, she had bought him those as a joke.

He walked down the runway smiling, blew a kiss at Nadia then walked back. He posed once more and tried his best at a sexy pout. The crowd loved it.

"Next up Michael Vaughn."

Vaughn walked out wearing a red snakeskin speedo and a black underarmor tank top. He started flexing his "muscles" and smiling. He walked down the runway and tried to copy Weiss by blowing a kiss at Sydney, which didn't work since she wasn't looking. Slightly dejected he walked back up the runway, flexed again and joined Weiss.

"Will Tippin."

Will was wearing simple white swim trunks and a black a-shirt. He just smiled, walked down the runway, winked making many faint, and walked back throwing one final look over his shoulder before joining the others.

"Um. Arvin Sloane."

Arvin was wearing white slacks and a white button up shirt. A few looks passed between the judges. Arvin walked down the runway and looked for Barnett. She was no longer in her seat. He looked up to see her leaving with the NSC agent she had been talking to earlier. He turned sharply on his heel, nearly falling due to the lack of grip on his shoes. When he reached the front of the runway he ripped off the pants revealing his disturbingly hairy legs and black swim trunks. Someone screamed. He went and stood next to Will looking rejected and humiliated.

"Marcus Dixon. Whoop, Whoop, Whoop." Marshall exclaimed.

Dixon walked out and shot Marshall a look immediately silencing his antics. He was wearing desert storm camo swim trunks and a white a-shirt. He walked down the runway and began jumping his chest muscles. Chase couldn't help but giggle, she loved it when he did that. He flashed that killer smile then walked back up the runway.

"Finally Jack Bristow."

Jack walked out his Bristow glare at maximum power. He was wearing black swim trunks and a black t-shirt. He walked down the runway and just scowled.

"Pose for us." Namyre squealed.

Jack was getting sick of this. He folded his arms. Irina was intrigued, his biceps seemed a little toner than the last time she saw him. She allowed her eyes to rake over his body. He did seem a bit fitter. Had he been working out? He walked back up the runway his hands clinched into fists.

"Now a new twist to this portion, which was added two minutes ago. The Wet Everything contest." Carrie announced cheerfully.

"The what?!" the contestants cried in unison. Out of nowhere a stage hand came out carrying a huge hose. It was turned full blast onto the contestants drenching them from head to toe.

Much to all the ladies delight Will quickly ripped off his shirt showing his perfectly defined and toned body.

"That's the idea behind this Mr. Tippin, since you complied without being asked we will start our comments with you," Leslie said "Nice definition on the abs, and biceps but the pectorals could use a little work."

"Don't listen to her sweetie, your like a bronze statue. Your gorgeous and single, just like me." Namyre said winking.

"Mr. Tippin I am highly affronted that my daughter would pass up a diamond such as yourself for a lump of coal," she said nonchalantly "I think it might be time for me to have a talk with her concerning the difference between little boys and men."

Sydney looked away in embarrassment. Nadia couldn't help but laugh at her sister's discomfort.

"Hey Syd if it makes you feel any better, Mom and I had the talk but I already knew the difference."

Sydney blushed even more.

Upon hearing Irina's comment Vaughn attempts to rip his shirt, and fails miserably. He yanks it over his head and throws it unceremoniously to the ground.

"Mr. Vaughn, everything needs work." Leslie replied.

"I concur." Namyre said disappointed.

"Lump of coal." Irina said disgust evident in her voice. She turned, looked at Sydney and shook her head.

"Do you have a problem with me Irina?" Vaughn asked.

Irina turned on him with a feral grin on her face.

"As a matter of fact I do. I have a problem with a little boy masquerading as a man. I have a problem with my daughter dating someone who is a pathetic excuse for an agent, and brings shame to the agency simply by being in this room. So yes Mr. Vaughn I have a problem with you." she said never losing her air of tranquility.

Nadia looked at Sydney for a reaction. Sydney just sat there dumbfounded, shocked by the truthfulness of her mother's words. Maybe her parents and Nadia were right. Maybe Vaughn wasn't' the guy for her. . . . . .

Dixon waits a moment then removes his shirt. Chase gets a bit jealous because of the way women are eyeing her man. He flexes his chest again.

"Nice pecs . I can tell you workout but the definition of your abs could be better."

"I'd like to see her man's abs. That is if she has a man. Which I doubt." Chase whispered to the agent sitting next to her.

"You're like a melting chocolate ice cream cone! I just want to lick you before you melt away. Scrumptious!" Namyre squealed.

"Nice body Mr. Dixon, much better than others we have seen today," she said shooting a look at Vaughn "much better."

"I'm warning you ahead of time, I prefer Ballpark franks to barbells." he said before taking off his shirt.

"Thanks for the warning." Leslie said slyly, she got booed again.

Nadia tensed in her seat, how dare she insult her osito. Sydney grinned Vaughn's body was better than that at least. She couldn't wait to her what her mom would say.

"You're like a teddy bear. But I do have one question. Do you like to cuddle?" Namyre said smiling mischievously.

"Namyre I think my daughter could answer that question for you. Eric, you are so cute and my daughter doesn't complain so you're ok in my book."

Nadia blushed slightly, Weiss looked so cute up there.

"That's so unfair." Sydney said pouting.

Irina turned to look at her.

"Sweetheart pouting doesn't become of you."

Nadia erupted in laughter, as Sydney slumped down in her seat like a chastised child.

Arvin looked over at Jack waiting for him to go first. When Jack didn't react he unbuttoned his shirt.

"**STOP! PLEASE!" **Leslie screamed once his chest was revealed.

Arvin didn't listen and took it off the rest of the way.

The auditorium erupted in screams. A wolf howl erupted through the auditorium.

"**AH MY EYES!" **someone screamed.

"**THE HORROR!" **someone else cried in anguish.

Arvin put his shirt back on and the din ceased.

"Arvin, do me a favor never, ever, take off your shirt during the remainder of this competition. I would consider it a huge favor." Leslie said, this time many patrons nodding their head in agreement.

"It hurts my heart to see a man such as yourself sporting an atrocity of a body such as that. Meet me after the show I will give you the number to a extraordinary plastic surgeon but I'm afraid it might be too late." Namyre said his eyes full of tears.

"Mr. Vaughn I owe you an apology that is worse." Irina said sadly.

"You didn't complain before." Arvin fired back.

"Arvin let me make myself clear to you. That was and is the biggest mistake of my life. I did not enjoy it, to be honest I had forgotten about it until now. So thank you for making me remember that nightmare." Irina said angrily.

"You slept with that," Namyre said shocked "Why?"

"I have been asking myself that same question for thirty years."

Arvin walked back his head slumped. He looked over at Jack who only looked at him and smirked.

"Aren't you glad he's not your dad." Sydney said looking over at Nadia.

"Do I have to describe the relief I felt when I got those test results back." Nadia answered.

They shared a laugh.

A moment went by with everyone looking at Jack expectantly.

"Jack, let's see it." Irina said grinning.

"I'd rather not." he answered through gritted teeth, this had went too far.

"Take it off!" Katya shouted from the audience. She was quickly joined by a host of other women, and Namyre who began chanting.

"Take it off. Take it off."

He sighed then took off the shirt. Everyone gasped.

"YES!!!!" Namyre screamed, standing up clapping frantically.

The sight before them was shocking but in a good way. Jack Bristow was a picture of perfection for an older man. Unknown to any of them he had put himself through a strenuous exercise regimen. Irina just stared in amazement. His sixpack was clearly defined, his biceps were taunt, he looked great. He frowned. This was ridiculous.

"I still find you sexy Jack." Katya shouted from the audience. Irina scowled at her.

"Jack, oh my. I did not expect that. I mean. Just look at you." Leslie said breathless.

"Jack, sweetie, just give me a time for you to me mine. You're full of surprises and I love surprises." Namyre said seductively.

"You've been working out." Irina said smiling.

"A little. It would help if I had a partner to "spar" with." Jack said grinning at Irina's intake of breath.

"I might have to take you up on that offer, after all I was never able to deny you of anything you. . . Really wanted." Irina said seductively.

Jack gulped.

Sydney and Nadia looked at each other in shock.

"That's creepy." They said in unison. They couldn't even look back up on stage.

"Um excuse me but I have a question concerning the rules." Leslie said once she recovered her breath.

"Yes." Carrie answered.

"Is stuffing your undergarments allowed."

"No."

"Then it is with deep regret that I have to motion to disqualify Mr. Bristow, Mr. Tippin, and Mr. Dixon due to the more than substantial bulge in their undergarments."

"Leslie I am more than happy to vouch for Jack. That bulge isn't from padding." Irina said slyly.

Jack reddened.

"So can I." Katya shouted smirking when Jack reddened even more.

"Can you vouch for Mr. Tippin as well?" Leslie said angrily.

"No," Irina said turning to look at Sydney "Can you?"

Sydney's face reddened.

"Yes," she said blushing harder "Only because he is my roommate." she added seeing the looks she was getting from Nadia and her mother.

"Mr. Dixon is in question as well and since there is no way we can be sure that you're being truthful someone must check," Namyre said standing "Gentlemen line up please."

"Namyre we will overlook this thank you. We must move on." Leslie said with finality.

"So ends our Swimsuit competition. Up next our talent competition part two." Marshall announced.

Jack caught Irina's gaze as he walked off the stage.

"Warm Irina, you look flustered." Jack said going back stage.


	5. Talent Part Two

******

**Talent Two**

"The next talent competition is designed to show off our guys specialties," Carrie said "Each guy will have a chance to demonstrate the specialty they chose."

"Up first Eric Weiss showing off his Swat skills."

Eric walked onstage in full swat gear holding a sniper's rifle.

"Ok Mr. Weiss, there are 42 moving targets that will appear at different intervals in different positions on this stage. 30 of them are criminals holding guns, the other 12 are civilians. This is to test the accuracy and quick recognition that a good Swat officer must have."

Weiss nodded.

A buzzer sounds and the first target appears. Weiss shoots it right between the eyes, it was a criminal. After a minute the targets stop appearing. The cutouts were examined.

"Criminals shot 30, 26 fatally, civilians shot 1, but just a flesh wound." Marshall said reading the results.

"You shot a civilian, even if it was simply a flesh wound you shot them. I'm going to deduct points for that." Leslie said.

"I've always liked a man who were accurate with his gun." Namyre said slyly.

"Nice shooting Eric. I wouldn't worry about the civilian, the one you hit was in the way of your shot anyway. A good Swat agent knows that shooting is like chess, sometimes to get to the king you have to go through the pawns." Irina said coldly.

"Next Michael Vaughn showing off his fighting abilities."

Michael walks onstage wearing his Karate Kid outfit, headband and all.

"I will need an assistant, someone who isn't afraid to get their butt whipped. Which they will. Sydney will you join me on stage." Vaughn boasted.

Jack rushed on stage only to be restrained and pulled backstage by Dixon, Weiss and two other security personnel.

"Mr. Vaughn I think it would be in your best interest if you knew that Sydney's passion ever since she was three has been studying and mastering every form of martial arts."

"So have I." he answers shifting his feet nervously.

"Did Sydney ever tell you she was suspended when she was in first grade for breaking a fifth graders arm, cleanly at the elbow for trying to steal her best friends lunch money."

Sydney walks onstage hesitantly.

"I bet she doesn't know how to cripple someone using pressure points." Vaughn fired back.

"Now Mr. Vaughn, what kind of teacher would I be if I didn't show her that." Irina said smiling.

Backstage Jack smirked, this was going to be good.

Sydney and Vaughn faced each other, bowed and took fighting stances. He lunged for her connecting with her jaw sending her sprawling. She stood up and faced him again. He delivered a roundhouse kick to her stomach and she fell again gasping for air.

Jack had to be restrained again. Irina rolled her eyes annoyed.

"Sydney what are you doing?" she asked angrily.

"I don't want to do this." Sydney answered.

"I get it, you know I'm better." Vaughn smirked.

"Sydney Ann Bristow, you have two options: either get up and fight him to the best of your abilities or we will resume your pressure point resistance training in its practical application not theoretical. You do remember my teaching philosophy, good training is done by a teacher who isn't afraid to hurt their student." Irina remarked a cold glint in her eyes.

"You wouldn't." Sydney blanched.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but are you on vacation the next two weeks?"

"Dad." she whined looking to her father for assistance.

"Irina, I'm sure you can handle her training yourself, but I am more than willing to help out."

Sydney looks at her parents' stoic expressions and knew the argument was over. She looked up at Vaughn, her expression cold. He gulped. Sydney jumped to her feet delivered a crippling kick to Vaughn's midsection. He fell onto his knees gasping for air. He looked up only to see her foot seconds before it connected with his face. He looked up and saw her standing over him her eyes unremorseful, then darkness. . . . .

"Sydney I'll be expecting you in Moscow Monday morning, 5 o'clock sharp." Irina remarked with a feral grin.

"What? What about Nadia?" Sydney wailed.

"Where do you think she's been for the past week?"

"Wait. Why do I have to train for two weeks?"

"Two hits, two weeks." Irina announced with finality.

By this time Vaughn was conscious again.

"Master of Fighting, please." Leslie uttered.

"That bump on your head looks nasty. Shall I kiss it and make it better?" Namyre said sensually.

"A thirty minute knockout in two shots, that's a new record for my daughter. Hopefully this will be enough to show Sydney she could do so much better. She needs a guy who can roll with the punches like Jack not a pathetic patsy like you. It was Ossian who wrote a man is as only good as his abilities. Your abilities seem to be nonexistent. But I would like to thank you for giving me this time to bond with my daughter." Irina reprimanded.

"Syd it's not that bad, after the third day the pain becomes somewhat tolerable." Nadia whispered seeing the distressed look on her face.

"She hasn't been waiting to train you since you were four." Syd muttered.

"Jack, is she serious." Will asked his voice tinged with concern.

Jack gave Will a piercing look.

"You're right. Stupid question."

Vaughn joins them backstage mumbling to himself.

"Stupid bitch. Where does she get off beating me? Her mom too, patsy humph I'll show her a patsy."

"Don't do this." Jack whispers his hands clenching into fists.

"Patsy, isn't that what Cuvee called you. I guess we have something in common after all."

Jack grabs Vaughn by the throat and shoves him against the wall.

"If you ever talk about my wife or my daughter again I will kill you."

Jack lets him go and walks off.

"What is wrong with you? Do you want to die?" Will said controlling his anger for the moment.

"I call it the way I see it. Sydney is kind of a bitch though, you wouldn't know but she likes it doggy. ."

His words are cut off when Will punches him making him see stars for the second time that night.

"Never call her that again. Do you understand me?" Will yells to a semiconscious Vaughn.

As Vaughn loses consciousness again, Will walks away and runs into Jack.

"Mr. Bristow, I think Vaughn needs some medical assistance."

"I'll get right on that."

Will nods and walks away.

"Impressive left hook." Jack called behind him.

"Up next Will Tippin showcasing his analytical skills."

Will walks on stage and sits at the table they have set up for him.

"Mr. Tippin before you are seventy eight pages worth of information on Howard Jonasburg," Namyre explained "You will be given four minutes to read over and memorize anything that you think is important. Afterwards the rest of the judges and myself will ask questions that could be answered using the information given."

"I understand."

"You may start."

Will launched into reading the information before him, his eyes quickly scanning the pages looking for anything useful. The buzzer sounded, four minutes was up. A stage hand removed the paper from in front of him so the questions could begin.

"We'll start with something easy," Leslie began "where was he born."

"Sydney, Australia."

"How long did he live there?"

"Until age seven at which time he was moved to a mental facility for the criminally insane. Late released when he was deemed ready to reenter society."

"What was the name of the hospital, and who was his lead physician."

"St. Andrews which opened in 1874 but was only recently remodeled in 1987. His lead physician was Daniel Hughes, PHD in psychology minor in sociology, alma mater Oxford, came to work at St. Andrews after being fired from his previous position for unethical treatment of patients."

"What color are his eyes?" Namyre asked.

"They were blue but now according to his medical records they are green. He underwent laser eye surgery which permanently changed the pigmentation of his eyes."

"How did that misfortune come about?"

"Simple, never get eye surgery in Tiajuana."

A few members of the audience chuckled.

"Where is he now?" Irina asked.

"According to medical records Howard Jonasburg died two years ago, but he has been in witness protection for the past three years after testifying against an Italian mobster in the Superior Court."

"How do you know he's in Witness protection?"

"Because the documents mention a Kevin Lewis, the name means nothing but his birthmark does. According to his medical record he has a unique star shaped birthmark on his shoulder blade. That birthmark is very rare and is only possessed by one individual in the world, Howard Jonasburg."

"That will be all Mr. Tippin."

The crowd applauded there was no way any of them could have done that in such a small amount of time. Sydney couldn't help but smile. It wasn't combat but Will was good at what he does.

"Decent job." Leslie muttered.

"You have a talent for finding out about people. Maybe you could find out about me later on." Namyre said winking.

"Will, you seem to be good at everything you put your mind to. You seem like the kind of guy who once he gets an assignment he doesn't stop until he knows the truth. In saying that I have an assignment for you. Find out why my daughter picked a patsy like Michael over a gem such as yourself." Irina remarked.

Will looked at Sydney silently asking her the same question. Sydney blushed and turned away. Will bowed and walked backstage.

"Syd why didn't you date Will?" Nadia asked.

"To be honest, I don't know." Sydney replied.

"Because sweetheart all the training in the world can't teach you to distinguish between real men and boys. That's a lesson that a girl should learn from her mother. I'm sorry I wasn't around to teach you. . .but it's never to late to learn." Irina said smiling.

"Hey Mr. Bristow." Will called.

"Yes." Jack answered.

"I need your help with something."

"Concerning."

"Exposing Vaughn for the ass he is."

"What do you need me to do?"

"Now, Arvin Sloane."

Sloane walks on stage and sits down in a chair.

"Arvin you claim to be a master of reverse psychology." Leslie began.

"Why do you always assume what others say is merely a claim. Did someone hurt you so much that everything others say is immediately registered as a lie? Since we are claiming to be things, what do you claim to be. You claim to be a no-nonsense agent, cold, indifferent, unconcerned with the emotions and feelings of others. But that is only a claim, am I right?"

Leslie froze.

"Ahh. I see I am. Let me guess at what you really are. You're someone who just wants to be loved, and accepted for who you really are. You just want someone to see you for what you are a woman, a beautiful one if I might add. I see the shy woman who is aching to get out. The woman you can't show to your colleagues because you're afraid of how they will react. Maybe once this is over I can get to know the inner you. Leslie."

"Good try." Leslie said regaining her composure.

"Do you want to get to know the inner me too?" Namyre remarked seductively.

"Arvin, Leslie wasn't much of a challenge. Why don't you try me?" Irina offered.

"Irina, I don't believe that's a good idea."

"Why not Arvin, are you frightened? Are you afraid you won't be able to get to me with your pathetic mind games?"

"Were you afraid Irina, when you had an affair with me?"

"Why do you ask?"

"You tell me. Jack was away all the time, and when he was home he was usually in his office. When he wasn't in his office he was too tired to notice you. I often heard you tell Emily you thought you were losing your touch, you thought he had lost interest in you. Is it possible you slept with me in order to see if you still possessed your ability to seduce? Or was it sheer jealousy?"

"Of what?"

"Of what Emily and I had. Of our relationship that didn't start off as an assignment. A relationship that could be destroyed by a simple slip of the tongue. A word mumbled in your native tongue during an argument, a scar that can't be accounted for, an unfamiliar odor on your clothing. I know Irina and I understand you wanted to know what it felt like to be with someone who you could be yourself with. Or have you forgotten how you cried out in Russian."

"Since you obviously remember that so vividly. Tell me what did I say."

"Only one word. Sooskin."

"Arvin do you know what that word means."

"No, you tell me."

"Son of a bitch."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because I was disappointed."

Arvin tensed up.

"What's wrong. Did I hurt your ego? Did I crush that small feeling of manliness you once possessed. Oh that's right Emily took that when she left you for Joseph. Ahh. I forgot you didn't know about that did you? How she snuck off with him whenever you and Jack went on missions. She used to brag about him. His dexterity, his stamina, his prowess. According to her when she compared the two you came up a little . . .short."

"THAT'S NOT TRUE EMILY LOVED ME. HOW DARE YOU SPREAD SUCH LIES, AFTER EVERYTHING SHE DID FOR YOU." he shouted standing to his feet.

"Oh I'm not lying, where do you think she is now."

"She's in Brazil staying at the Harringworth hotel."

"Owned by."

Sloane sat back down, upon realizing.

"Joseph Harringworth."

He stood to his feet and stormed offstage. Irina just sat back in her seat and smiled. Checkmate.

"Up next Marcus Dixon."

Dixon walked on stage in tactical wear similar to that previously worn by Weiss.

"Mr. Dixon since your specialty is op tech we have constructed a bomb for you to diffuse." Leslie explained.

Seeing the look that spread across Dixon's face she added.

"It is not an actual bomb, it has been rigged to emit an eppi pack if not dismantled properly." Leslie added.

Many members of the crowd breathed a sigh of relief.

"Let the record show I believe it would be a better test of skill if the bomb was real." Irina interjected.

The stage crews came out and uncovered the "bomb". It was huge. There were millions of wires coming out of it, four circuit boards, and there was a failsafe attached.

"You have two minutes. Begin."

Dixon walked over calmly to the contraption and began working. His fingers flew over the device reconnecting wires, and making minor adjustments to the circuitry.

"Done." Dixon announced. He still had thirty seconds left on the clock.

Leslie pulled out the detonater and pushed the button. Nothing happened.

"I see you were successful in by passing the fail safe as well. Decent job." Leslie remarked.

"Your good at diffusing bombs. Well I'm exploding with excitement! You have extraordinary hands, what else do you do with those hands Mr. Dixon." Namyre said coyly.

"Nice job with manipulating the circuit boards, but some time could have been saved had you just manipulated the master only." Irina remarked.

"Your right, I just wanted to show off." Dixon replied smiling.

Irina smiled back, she had always liked Marcus.

"Last but not least Jack Bristow."

Jack walked on stage and sat in the chair that had been placed for him.

"Your specialty is game theory. So I'm going to give you a scenario and you tell me the best option, and please explore every angle." Irina explained.

"Don't I always." he replied a dangerous glint in his eyes.

Only Jack noticed the catch in her breath.

"Your scenario," Irina paused "A single nineteen year old male has information you need. What do you do to require it. Send in a female agent of torture it out of him."

Jack tensed.

"I would send in a female agent. Torture would prove fruitless. For someone to be tortured effectively they must have something they don't want to lose. A nineteen year old is focused on one thing women. The only thing he would have to lose is his chance to flirt. This while a strong motive for confession wouldn't be enough. By saying he has information I'm assuming you mean he's an agent."

Irina nodded.

"Therefore he would have training in ways to resist pain. The female agent would be the best way to go. What else would entice a man to reveal all than the undeniable charm of a woman."

"Elaborate on the charm." Namyre said.

"The silkiness of her skin, the way her hair flows behind her in the breeze, her smile that lights up a room, her voice, her laugh that sounds like music to your ears, the way she giggles when he whisper sweet nothings in her ear, the sophistication with which she carries herself when in public, the vixen that escapes when their alone, the noise she makes in the back of her throat when he kisses the nape of her neck, the way she looks at him when they make love, the way his name slips off her lips when they both reach the culmination of their love making, the way she trembles in his arms as she comes down off the sweetest high, the way she cuddles next to him draping her arm around his waist her head on his shoulder as if she never wants to let him go, the way she smiles groggily as the first rays of dawn glint across her hair. Those kinds of charms will make him tell anything, promise her the moon and stars, his love and devotion, his heart, his very being. He would tell her everything because he has no reason not too. After all he trusts her. She could never do anything wrong." he said never losing eye contact with Irina.

Many of the audience members just stared. Was Bristow talking about himself?

"Good." Leslie remarked uncaring.

"Ahh! Say something else. . . Please." Namyre purred.

"Jack, I disagree, what if they. . . Feel in love. He would always live with her betrayal."

"Their always time for forgiveness. As Ghandi once said the weak can never forgive, forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

"What about his trust in her?"

"Truth takes time." Jack smiled.

"It does." Irina smiled back.

"So ends the second part of our talent competition. Up next the formal wear and questions." Carrie announced.

"Honey, that was my part, you see right here on the cards it says Marshall next to that, not that it matters since we're both hosting, well I guess it could matter since . . ." Marshall whispered.

"Honey." Carrie interjected sweetly.

"Yes."

"Shut up."

"Yes dear."


	6. Formal Wear and Questions

**Formal Wear & Questions**

"Our final portion tonight before we crown our first Mr. APO the formalwear competition and questions. Each man has picked a song that best describes them to play as they model for us. We won't announce who the person is. See if you can guess from their choice of music."

_Boom Boom Pow starts playing_

To no one's surprise Weiss walks out. After all it is a party song. He is wearing a white Calvin Kline suit with a white shirt and a forest green vest and tie. He is also sporting a white fedora with a forest green band around the middle. He shrugs off the jacket throwing it over his shoulder. He takes off his hat, bows, then slips it back on. As he turns around he gets a gasp from the crowd as he proceeds to shake his booty on stage. He smiles and takes his seat on stage.

_Too Sexy starts playing_

"Please tell me he didn't" Sydney cringes.

Vaughn struts on stage in a black Gucci suit with a white shirt and a pink vest and tie. He is sporting black copper shades. As the music pulses through the speakers he begins peeling off his jacket grinning. He tosses the jacket to Sydney and winks. The before mentioned pink vest is revealed to be an even brighter shade than before. To top it off the buttons were very flashy rhinestones. He lifts the shades so they rested atop his head.

"Real men wear pink." he said turning to strut back up the runway and take his seat next to Weiss.

Namyre leaned over towards Irina.

"You know what's funny. My boyfriend has a vest just like that." he whispered.

"Why am I not surprised?" Irina mumbles to herself.

_Lead On starts playing_

Barnett just returning from a heated "conversation" with the before mentioned agent hears the song and tenses. That was the first song she and Arvin had danced to that night at the restaurant. Arvin is wearing a gray Versace suit with a black shirt underneath. His shirt is unbuttoned slightly at the top, a few stray hairs overlapping the buttons. He walks down the runway and puts his hands in his pockets. He catches Barnett eyes, a plea written on his face. Barnett turns away, she wouldn't be drawn in again. Sloane turns, the remaining ounce of his ego shattered for tonight. He takes his seat, forgoing the seat next to Vaughn.

_Smoky Robinson's Crusin starts to play_

As Smoky croons Dixon walks out in a white Armani suit with a maroon vest and tie. He spins on his heel before cruising his way down the runway. He unbuttons the jacket, places his hands in his pocket and smiles at Chase. She blows him a kiss, which he catches then turns around taking the seat next to Arvin.

Vaughn looks over at the empty seat next to him feeling slightly rejected.

_How do I get you alone blasts through the speakers_

Will steps out and many female members of the audience gasp. He is wearing a white Ralph Lauren suit with a sky blue vest and tie. The color matches his eyes which Sydney is slowly drowning in.

"He's . . ." she starts.

"Handsome, amazing, fine as h*ll, sexier than Vaughn." Nadia prompts.

"My Will." Sydney says a smile gracing her face as he walks down the runway.

He stops and looks over at her his trust, devotion, admiration, and love reflected in his eyes. Sydney looks away shyly, she could tell he wanted her and whether she wanted to admit it or not she wanted him too. He saw the torment in her eyes and eased up his gaze smiling at her. He walked back up the runway and sat next to Vaughn.

"You eyeing my girl." Vaughn whispered trying to sound intimidating.

"How's your jaw?" Will responds nonchalantly.

Vaughn's about to make a sharp retort then decides otherwise.

_Time in a bottle starts to play_

Irina looks up pleasantly surprised. Jack's wearing an all black suit with a dark gray tie.

It should be illegal for him to wear black, Irina thought. Jack calmly walks down the runway. He stops and looked at Irina his eyes burning with unrequited desire. She gasps remembering the last time he looked at her like that. It had been a very long weekend. Jack then did something no one within the agency had ever thought he would do. . . He smiled. Several members of the audience gasped in shock. Jack Bristow was smiling, not a sadistic, evil smirk but a genuine light-hearted smile.

"Mr. Bristow who was your suit designed by?" Leslie inquired.

Finally breaking eye contact with Irina he answered.

"Grigor Doyovstov. He's a local designer in Moscow that needed a break. I figured I'd give it to him." Jack answered.

Irina sat awestruck, she had been wondering for months how her friend Grigor had hit the big time fashion circuit in such a small amount of time. Now she knew. She wanted him so bad right now. Jack winked and took the final seat next to Dixon.

"Judges if you could give us brief comments, and pick the one contestant you think looks the best, we'll start with you Leslie." Marshall said.

"Nice choice of designers but the suits don't suit you," she said laughing, no one else laughed "uh hum, Jack you on the other hand are wearing a suit you bought out of charity but it fits you well. Therefore Jack you are my pick."

"I don't know who she's looking at you all look amazing! I love a man in a suit but I love them even better out of them. As for the guy I will pick I must pick Jack. You are so dangerously seductive." Namyre said doing his best tigress impersonation.

"Nearly all of you look great. One of you looks like you got your suit from someone designing a Pepto bottle. My pick for the best dressed goes to you, Will. I like how you picked a color that matched your eyes. Sydney always told me you had beautiful eyes, I'm glad I finally got to see them for myself," Irina said, she turned to look at Sydney "You're right, you could just drown in them."

Vaughn tensed up on stage, he looked over at Will who had a smug grin on his face.

"Don't be so smug. She's still coming home with me tonight."

"You never know what could happen." Will answered looking over at Jack. He and Jack shared a knowing glance.

Sydney nudged Nadia.

"Did you see that?" she asked.

"See what?" Nadia replied.

"That look Dad just gave Will."

"It's probably nothing Sydney."

"Yeah, you're probably right. I'm just overreacting."

Irina didn't let Sydney know but she saw it too. What were they up to?

"We will now ask our guys a series of questions before the judges final deliberation and our crowning of Mr. APO. We will draw a random name and question." Carrie announced.

"Drum roll please, well I guess you wouldn't need a drum roll. We might need it for later not that we only have one, because you know the sound can be played over and over, not like we have to pay to use a drum roll, like we use a jukebox or something" Marshall stopped talking.

"The first question is for Marcus Dixon. Dixon if you were an animal what animal would you be."

"I would be a cheetah. Their fast, strong, family oriented, savage when it comes to protecting their own. But mostly because they have incredible stamina." Dixon answered.

Chase blushed in the audience, that was true.

"Next question, Arvin Sloane, Do you consider yourself truly reformed?"

"Of course. My life has changed since I lost my wife. I realized that my actions not only affect me but those around me as well. Because of me the love of my life was killed. My desire to take over the world drives away those I try to keep close. I am a reformed man, and all I ask is the chance to prove it." Arvin said more to Barnett than anyone else.

He looked out at her expectantly. She just stared uncaring.

"Will, wow this is ironic. What do you look for in a woman?"

"Someone who is strong, independent, intelligent, and unique. A woman who knows her way in the kitchen and the bedroom. A woman who can play many roles but never lose who they are. A woman who isn't afraid to have fun and be silly, no matter where she is. She has to be sexy and preferably brunette. I have a thing for brunettes, especially those with brown eyes. But most of all she has to be not only my lover but my best friend."

Sydney blushed, he was talking about her.

"Syd he's . ."

"I know, I know."

"Weiss. If you could chose a superpower, what would you chose and why?"

"I would chose the ability to change the past. That way I could go back to my teens, run away from home and go to Argentina so I wouldn't have to wait twenty years to meet the girl of my dreams."

Nadia blushed and blew Weiss a kiss.

"He is such a hopeless romantic." Sydney said smiling at her sister.

"I know. Mi osito."

"Jack, What walks on four in the morning, two in the evening and three at night."

"Irina after a weekend with me." Jack remarked slyly.

"Actually it's man . . . I thought you would get that Mr. Bristow it's from Oedipus Rex, the Sphinx's riddle you know with the." Marshall once again stopped talking when Carrie shot him a look that could melt ice.

"Finally Mr. Vaughn. Do you consider yourself a ladies man?""Absolutely not. I am a one woman man. Once I devote myself to a woman I treat her with all the love, respect, and devotion she deserves."

"Respect my ass." Will yells jumping to his feet.

"What are you insinuating?"

"That you are a lying, son of a b*tch" Will said lunging at Vaughn.

Jack grabs him and drags him back before he can get to him.

"Marshall will you roll the tape."

The lights dim and the scene from earlier backstage plays.

"_Stupid bitch. Where does she get off beating me? Her mom too, patsy humph I'll show her a patsy."_

"_Don't do this." Jack whispers his hands clenching into fists._

"_Patsy, isn't that what Cuvee called you. I guess we have something in common after all."_

_Jack grabs Vaughn by the throat and shoves him against the wall._

"_If you ever talk about my wife or my daughter again I will kill you."_

_Jack lets him go and walks off._

"_What is wrong with you? Do you want to die?" Will said controlling his anger for the moment._

"_I call it the way I see it. Sydney is kind of a bitch though, you wouldn't know but she likes it doggy. ."_

_His words are cut off when Will punches him making him see stars for the second time that night. _

"_Never call her that again. Do you understand me?" Will yells to a semiconscious Vaughn. _

_As Vaughn loses consciousness again, Will walks away._

The audience sits in shocked silence. When the lights go back up Jack and Will are staring at Vaughn anxious to see how Vaughn would try to weasel his way out of this.

"Vaughn." Sydney said her voice breaking. Tears of anger welled up in her eyes.

"Sydney, I was joking."

Sydney stormed out, Will jumped off the stage and ran after her.

"Say it now." Irina said her voice cold.

"Say w-w-w-what." Vaughn stammered.

"Call me a b*tch."

Vaughn didn't speak, he was starting to shake.

"I'm sorry but you were acting like a b. ." his words were cut off when he felt his left side go numb. He sank to his knees. He looked down and saw a small needle sticking into his upper arm. Irina stood and walked over to him. She squatted down taking his face in her hands.

"Mr. Vaughn you have been injected with a mild neurotoxin. It will wear off momentarily. You got lucky this time. Normally I wouldn't mind murdering someone in front of an audience but out of respect for the non-agents here I won't expose them to that. But if you ever disrespect me again, or make my daughter cry I will kill you without hesitation and I assure you it will be a slow and painful death. Michael." she said letting his name roll off her tongue.

She stood and looked over at Jack who had a look of satisfaction on his face. She smiled back and took her seat again.

_Twenty minutes later _

Vaughn rejoins his fellow contestants on stage to hear the results. Will had returned a few minutes prior to him, his arm linked with Sydney's. They shared a tentative hug before she sat down, and he walked back on stage.

"Alright. This has been some night hasn't it. Well it has all come to a conclusion now. We have the results and are ready to announce who is Mr. APO." Marshall announced.

"In sixth in place, Michael Vaughn."

Vaughn smiled hesitantly, no one cheered or clapped.

"In fifth place, Arvin Sloane."

A few people clapped. Barnett walked on stage and whispered something to Marshall. He nodded and handed her the mike.

"Um. Arvin I wanted to say I've had some time to think and I was wondering if your offer to give it another shot still stood." she said nervously.

"Of course."

She smiled, handed the mike back to Marshall and walked over wrapping her arms around Arvin's neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her tentatively. Some people awed, some screamed at Barnett's stupidity, and well some just puked.

"Ok, back to the matter at hand. We don't really have a definite fourth and third since Marcus Dixon and Eric Weiss tied."

Weiss pretended to cry, Dixon just smiled. Chase and Nadia joined their respective guys on stage, each giving them quick kisses on the cheek.

"Our second place winner is . . . Jack Bristow."

Jack still looked bored when they placed a small silver crown on his head. He perked up when Irina joined him on stage.

"You're a judge, you can't be up here." He said teasingly.

"My duties as judge are over, I'm now returning to my duties as your wife." she fired back kissing him forcefully on the lips. He opened his mouth to her and kissed her back with equal fervor. A ruckus of wolf whistles, and Go Jack's erupted from the audience. They separated reluctantly, looking into each other's eyes seeing the passion written there. Jack smiles at her and wrapped his arm around her waist. She sent him a small smile when he slid her hand down a little further to rest on her hip.

"Which means of course, that Mr. Will Tippin is our first Mr. APO!"

The crowd erupts once again. Will just smiles as they hand him his scepter and place the gold crown on his head. A purple cape is draped around his shoulder. Sydney walks on stage joining her family and friends. She borrows the mike from Marshall and walks over to face Vaughn.

"Vaughn, we've been through a lot together. I put up with the Lauren thing, I forgave you giving up on finding me. But you know what I can't put up with you any longer. You are an arrogant, self-centered, desperate, obnoxious, mediocre lover."

Many of the on lookers laughed.

"Sydney, are you saying what I think you are. Baby, we can get over this, I'm sorry. Please give me another chance."

"No," Sydney said turning her back on him, walking over to were Will stands "It's time for me to give someone else a chance." She wrapped her arms around Will's neck. He pulls her to him and kisses her tenderly on the lips. They smile at each other and he pulls her into a bear hug.

"It's about time." Irina said smiling at her daughter.

"It is." Sydney said smiling into Will's kiss.

Vaughn turns and is about to walk offstage when Jack grabs him by the shoulder.

"What?!" Vaughn said turning on him.

"There has been something I have wanted to do since I first meet you." Jack said.

Before Vaughn could ask what Jack slugs him. Vaughn crumples to the ground. Jack walks back over to Irina a smile playing on his lips.

"You have no idea how hot I am for you right now." Irina whispers in his ear.

"Marshall can you wrap this up now." Jack ordered his voice husky.

"Well that's all for us tonight folks. Have a safe trip home and see you next year." Marshall announces.

As the audience thins out, the contestants and judges begin to leave as well. Namyre gives his number to all the guys, with promises to find them if they didn't call and Leslie shares a word with Sloane before leaving. Dixon and Chase leave arm in arm. Arvin excuses himself but no one really cares. The medical team had carried Vaughn to the hospital, he apparently suffered a concussion due to Jack's blow. Marshall and Carrie then left to pick up Mitchell from the sitter's leaving Sydney, Will, Nadia and Weiss alone on stage.

"Well, I don't know about you but it has been a long day." Will said.

"I agree, I think I could use a drink," Weiss stated "I say we all go back to my house and open up The Weiss Bar."

"Sounds good to me. That is if Syd and Will don't want to get home." Nadia said smiling at her sister.

"No I could use a drink myself," Syd answers "besides we have more than enough time for that."

Will kisses her again.

"Wait, where are your parents? They probably won't go but we could ask if they want to join us." Will offered.

"I'll ask them. I saw them go backstage a few minutes ago." Weiss said.

He walked backstage to look for them. They were nowhere to be seen. That is until he went to check the dressing room. He looked in hesitantly and was taken aback by what he saw. Irina was sitting on the makeup counter in nothing but her underwear. Jack was standing between her legs, clad only in boxers, a dorky grin on his face. As Weiss looked in astonishment Jack dragged Irina to his body.

"Sweetheart, why don't we give our guest a show he won't forget. Maybe he'll learn a thing or two." Jack said beginning to spill kisses down Irina's neck.

"Ahh. From what Nadia tells me, he doesn't need any pointers." Irina answered smiling.

Weiss retreated, and rejoined Nadia.

"Did you find them?" Nadia inquired.

"Yeah, they wanted to say thanks for the offer but they were busy." he said.

He hustled them out of the theater. Just as they walked through the door, a single word reverberated through the auditorium.

"JACK!"


End file.
